My Sweet Lola Judy,
Somehow putting you to bed tonight feels so significant. I am putting my baby to bed and in the morning you will wake up a two-year-old. I just want to make time stand still.
This week I looked through all the photos of you on my phone from the past year and it hurt my heart that already there were memories or moments that I had forgotten.
I don’t want to forget anything.
I want to remember every second of these days. I want to remember how it feels to scoop you up in my arms and how you curl your body into mine when I hold you, how soft your cheeks feel against my lips and how sweet your baby breath is. I don’t ever want to forget how your tiny little hand feels clasped around mine and how your hair smells when you’re sleeping in my arms.
I don’t ever want to forget what your voice sounds like right now and how hearing you say, “Mommy!” makes me feel so abundantly grateful to be your mom. I don’t ever want to forget how funny you are and how the bridge of your little nose crinkles when you laugh. I want to seal in my memory forever the way you look when you’re sleeping and when you first wake up. I pray that the image of you swinging your arms as you walk and dancing in your diaper will be permanently stored in my memory. Please don’t let me ever forget how sweet you look and sound and how amazing I feel when you reach out your arms to me and ask, “Hug?”
Somewhere, over the course of this year, you went from a baby to an itty bitty person and knowing that these changes happened before my eyes in a way that I saw them everyday, yet they were still so subtle that I couldn’t always know when something was going to be the last time, makes me ache. The first year went so quickly, but I think the second maybe even quicker.
I love how much you’ve grown this year and I’m so proud of who you are. While there are days when I catch myself saying that I can’t wait until this or that, I will always stop myself, knowing that those days will come soon enough, and I while, yes, I look forward to watching you grow and seeing who you will become, for now, I just want to savor who you are today.
Love forever and ever,
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